just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
we made out on top of his cat.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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