Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
