Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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