she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
