Having a random hookup so left but love u
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
