Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
