My nipple is on Facebook.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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