She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
