She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
