I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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