bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
