she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
