you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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