How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
