he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
