If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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