i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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