You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
