either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
