I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
