I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
