**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
