Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
