Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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