is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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