she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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