Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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