You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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