Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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