fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
