life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize