he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
