I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
