dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
