Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
