***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize