There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
