I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
