i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
