WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
