Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
