You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
