the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
