Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
