She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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