Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
