When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
