i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
