I must be too annoying 4 u.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
