remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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