i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
now i know why i became what i already was.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize