his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
