Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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