I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
