wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
