I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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