Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
