But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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