she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
