If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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