theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
