my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
