Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
