How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
